an indignant indian

"I swear to the Lord
I still can't see
Why Democracy means
Everybody but me.
~Langston Hughes, The Black Man Speaks"

At times very small things do mean a lot. At times there might be no intention towards the meaning of a word or phrase, but still it does leave its impact huge, unintentionally.

I 'again' went through a similar feeling, the previous evening at work. Though I had a zillion things accumulated in my mind to what the next post would talk about, ranging from Obama to Chandrayan, work related to tourism, poetry to prose, I chose to blog this incident which is not new to me (and many others) but still has the same effect as it would if it would've been.

It was a normal day with the usual satirical humour and fun at work.

"hey you Punjaban", he said to a lady friend who hails from north of India
"Shut up! you Mallu", she replied him as he's from Kerala.

As we are close friends at work, I chose to get involved to break free from the routine boring work, and have some fun and commented at the lady "oye, Punjaban kudi" (hey, girl from Punjab), at which she promptly retorted "You keep quiet, Pakistani !"

That word hit me like a nuclear missile. Initially I tried to put it off as a mere joke, but couldn't fit it in any kind of humour. Infact, it infuriated me, though I was definite she was joking and did not mean it. Its not the first time. I've been through it, heard and seen a lot but remained silent. Today I choose not to.

If it was a joke, why Pakistani? Why not Iraqi, Afghani or a Saud? No, why outside India? Why not any Indian community - Kannadiga or Bangalorean? She's from Punjab and called a punjaban - agreed. He's from Kerala and is called a mallu - and so he is, no offence. I am from Bangalore, Karnataka which is very much in India. I have no relation with Pakistan, nor have I ever been there, nor am I associated with it in any way. Oh, is it because I am a Muslim?. Interesting - but aren't there any Muslims in Iraq? Egypt? Saudi? Turkey? Indonesia? Australia? Europe? UK? US of A ? or INDIA ???? or do I need to go through the 'patriotic tests' of reciting vande mataram or being a part of bhoomi puja ?

India is secular nation - on papers and history text books. This is a small incident with a common Indian like me, and many more out there who are victims of this hatred spread by the "true and trustworthy" media. I'm not talking about those bigger issues which made news of not renting/selling a house to a Muslim, the hindutva policy, the recent attacks on churches and Christians in Karnataka, the fake Batla house encounter case, the Shaheen bagh case, the fake encounter killing of Sohrabuddin and claiming pride in it by Mr.Modi, the terror blasts, the Malegaon case, the Babri masjid, the 1982 Sikh riots or the 2002 Gujarat massacre.

Its a small name calling "joke", which I tried my best to laugh it out, but I could not and I never can.

Still alive :)

My previous post (the mistake) and the respite of my blogging is of sheer coincidence and is not to be blended, thereby assuming the demise of the blogger or the blog.
The two simply share a on-off relationship. The vows have been retaken. The lively times are back again

The mistake !

“No one ever lacks a good reason for Suicide” – Cesare Pavese (Itlaian poet/novelist)

My life's a mistake, I deeply regret,
Kindred thoughts again, flashing through my head
Mocked at, a joke or a bloke unwanted
Or am I just being taken for granted.

It’s my life, it ain’t no more fun,
My minds speculating, while my eyes lay on that gun.
"Pick me up" it says, as it rests on the shelf,
Should I succumb to it and just blast myself?

Or give into cries of the razor edged knife,
To hack and slay a wasted life.
I choose the latter, holding it close to my heart,
So close, it rips all my life apart.

Coalesced with blood, rolls down each tear,
Realizing what I’ve done in despair, I fear.
Regret or remorse, I now can’t live it’s too late,
Was it my life or my death, what was my mistake?

Deserted..

There was a small contest called "Write Right" in my workplace which I participated in . The contest was that we had to write a story/poem but the catch was it should contain exactly "50 words" only. I was lucky enough to get my write up published. :) Here is my contribution....


He stood helpless as his love walked away from his dreams of togetherness.
He gazed at his best friend as he stole her away with every step.
The image blurred with tears in sight, as emotions of -
treachery in friendship,
love's betrayal,
anger,
pain -
trickled as he stood alone.
All Alone.

Love is blind . . .

There's this story of a guy in love with a blind girl I received as an email forward. I had read this story quite a few times earlier. The first time I read it, it was really touching, making me think "does this kind of intense love exist in reality ???". Today I received the same forward again but when I read it now, I didnt feel a thing. It'd lost its essence after being read so many times, so I decided to give it a poetic touch. I decided to rewrite it in my words, my way. The result ? --

I close my eyes, too dark it does seem.
Thinking of her, I doze off to a dream-
-With her head on my shoulder she did cry,
Though I knew, I still asked her the reason why?

"I hate myself for I cannot see",
She cried with feelings of insecurity.
I held her hand and wiped her tear,
"I love you dear, so do not fear".

"I love you too but thats not all," she said
"I want to see the world, like a normal girl", she pled
Her only wish to see, I heard all the while
My only wish was to do something to see her smile.

I woke up all of a sudden from my dream,
"The surgery was a success!", when the doc did scream.
Tears rolled, as I enquired "How is she?"
She ran out shouting "Sweetheart, I now can see"

I groped to take her in my arms, to express my delight.
But fell of the bed, leaving her confounded at my plight.
Stunned, she moved back exclaiming "Oh! You cannot see too!"
"I hate blindness! Im sorry, you no longer are my beau."

A bitter feeling lingered as she walked out on me,
Tears rolled down again, she still chose not to see.
My love for her seemed nothing, my heart now cries,
Wishing she would atleast take care of 'my eyes'.

Prioritize

"Are you going to office today?", asked my 8 year old sister.

"Yes, I am sweety", I answered and also surprised as she knew that I am but still asked like I might not go to work.

That was my sister's innocent way of requesting me not to go to office but instead attend the annual day of her school that same evening. She really wanted all of us to attend and see her perform on stage. It was a big day for her. Although I knew I had quite a few leaves left and a lot of work pending at office and an important meeting which would help me in my promotion, without thinking twice I called up work and made my manager feel im sick.

Work, career, job has always been of least importance to me sometimes making me wonder if im normal because when I look around at my peers, cousins and colleagues, most of them prioritize these things at the top. Maybe they don't want to lose out on good opportunities, great future and all that which I know I have missed many times. Some friends think its stupid and foolish to give up something important for just a small moment of happiness, some think its too difficult a task, a few say you'll get prone to people taking advantage of you, but I say, at the end of the day I feel happy that I was the reason or atleast I tried to make someone feel good, or even just smile. Trust me, its worth it.

I feel if we all together try to think of the other person (Mind you, other person is not restricted to only family, folks or friends ) before we think of ourselves it not only benefits that person, but makes us feel good about ourselves, instills high self esteem, and the best - it keeps grudges, jealousy, prejudice etc etc .. away.

Again there's a catch. Its not as easy as its said. There'll be a lot of times ull be hurt, a lot of times where making someone smile will cost u your tears. You would feel stupid and curse yourself as to why you even thought of giving up ur happiness for someone else. I Know I am contradicting myself here, but it does happen. Well I have lived with it, its just that I choose not to expect the same from the other end.I choose to look at the good I have done rather than look at what I have lost.

Dont assume I live my life like this neither am I advocating it, lol. This is just an elaboration of a small instance in my life. Im usually selfish most of the times..;)

Tagged !

Pavi tagged me.. now don ask me what it is.. but I have orders to carry out and I cant disappoint my shawty thumbelina. So here's it pav .. for ya :)

Instructions:Remove 1 question from below, and add in your personal question, make it a total of 20 questions, then tag 8 people in your list, list them out at the end of this post. Notify them in their chat box that he/she has been tagged.

Well I aint gonna follow those instructions above coz I only have a couple or more friends who have blog and just oneor two of them still blogging !! hehe

1. Name Three Most Valuable Assets?
Faith in God, Teachings of Prophet Mohammed (PBUH), Family and Friends (loved ones)

2. If you have the chance, what would you probably say to your beloved one?
Im always there for you, be it in sorrow, happiness, trouble or celebration. You just have to look back.

3. If you were to be stranded on a desert island, who are the 3 blog buddies you would take with you?
Frankly, I have very few blog buddies, coz all my friends are lazzzzy n this response would have been different if the Q is just buddies!
1.Plumpy alias Harish
2.Pavi.
3. Could be any of my other blog buddies.

4.Where is the place that you want to go the most?
Heaven ! Striving hard to qualify to get the visa.

5.If you can have 1 dream to come true, what would it be?
Peace all over the world. Coming to common terms :)

6.What are you afraid to lose the most?
My faith, very tough to hold it through the worldy evils.

7.What would you do if you found a briefcase full of money?
Would keep sufficient amount that I and my family would need and invest the same and the rest would be given away in Zakath (Charity)

8.If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
Hmm.. I dont need to .. my eyes and charm will do the confessions. ;)

9.List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you...(Pavi)
1) A true friend
2) A person with some great values and principles of life
3) My cutie grandma .

10. What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?
I don expect or wish any 'requirements' from my other half. I accept her as she is and is upto her to care, understand and love me for what I am

11.Which type of person do you hate the most?
A Hypocrite

12.What is your ambition?
To be known as a good person by all who know me

13.What is the thing that will make you think someone is a bad person?
I don beleive in labelling people good or bad, its not the person but his/her deeds that are good or bad.

14.If you could do one thing different in life, what would it be?
I would learn to say NO! coz I really cant, specially to a close friend or a loved one :(

15.Are you a shopaholic or no?
No... gee i could say that here so easily :P

16.What is your stress buster?
Prayer, piety, spirituality.

17. Do all of us like what we are doing here ?
Like it or not, we have to do what we have to - strive to live a good life :)

18. Name one favorite song of yours.
Aicha by Outlandish - have been listening a lot of ot lately

19. If it was your last few hours on this planet and you had a chance to talk to only one person,who would it be?
My Family ! - coz i beleive my family as a whole is 1.

20.A phrase you use the most.
"Tell me"

Phoenix

- A rise from the ashes -

My blog finally comes alive after more than a year. Let me not waste this space talking about why I did not blog all these days, but let me say I have atleast willed and made an effort to restart blogging. Well though only a few, I do have fans to my blog who kept checking it to see if there is anythng new..(read 'Karma'), so now I hope I keep this blog upto the expectations or rather exceed them.

Have a lot in mind to blog about. A lot of issues which kept disturbing me all this time when I was shying away from the blog world. Since I have finally got to blogging again, Ill need some time to compile the posts and words.. coz i feel im out of touch, so dont be surprised if u see me bloggin only over the weekends.