Friday, March 18, 2005

Tempted.. give in or refrain ?

Curiosity kills the cat the say but its the temptations of the grey shade that poisons your life.
"Lets try some puffs" said one of my friends in school as he drew the paper rolled tobacco out of the pocket of his shirt, which was supposed to carry chocolates or gum. I looked at it with eyes open wide and said "I have heard its injurious, and leads to cancer". He laughed out loud saying "Cmon, its just one cigarette!". Crouched under the stairway, away from the sights of the teachers, curiosity twinkled in the innocent eyes of a couple of 10 year olds.

As I lit my first cigarette, and took a slow drag on the smoke, I choked and coughed it all up. I could feel the fire in my chest and the windpipe seemed like a chimney, tears rolled down those chubby cheeks, as the smoke burnt that curiosity that twinkled innocently a few seconds ago. My first time and I sweared I'd never touch that damn thing again - the end of curiosity.

Years passed, and entered high school, and got the first tag of being a senior to a number of kiddos, yeah, at the age of 15 you no longer are a kid, or rather hate to be called as one. One of the easiest way to prove it was to smoke stylishly, and get in sync with the so called grown-ups who puffed every other minute. From curiosity to style, it was just a harmless act of imitation, but unfortunately a stairway to the dreaded prison of death.

A couple more years, and in the freedom of the hip and cool college era, exposed to the vulnerabilites of the world of desires and temptations, beautifully decorated to attract the "frog-out-of-the-well" college goers just out of school. I lit that damn thing again, but after this it was not going to be the same, as I dragged on it, and blew the first puff of smoke, my colleague had a strange look on his face for a second, and then a hearty laugh which lasted a minute.

I was puzzled, till he asked me, "hey ! dont you take the smoke inside ?". Before I could think of an answer, he said " You dont know how to smoke, cmon pull the smoke into your lungs", and to help me do that better, he asked me to klench my nose between my fingers, while dragging the smoke and retain it in my lungs for a few seconds, and the result ... the smoke gushed out choking all my breathing equipment, I coughed and tears welled up in my eyes as my colleague had a hearty laugh again, this time longer ending with a question " How did it feel ?". I was high on a single puff, my head was heavy and swaying encouraging nausea to take control. I felt terrible, regrettung for another time, telling myself "I should have refrained !", and later pacifying my inner conscious that I was just curious of how it feels when u "really" smoke.

Hmm, you know something, I started to write this post after I decided to quit smoking so that it would remind me of how bad was I influenced, but the damn paper rolled tobacco stick, is sitting firmly between my lips waiting to be lit as I end this post.

Yea, gave in to the temptation again for the umpteenth time. Did I hear you laugh on my foolishness ? - am not surprised, kind of used to this laughter !